


Tell Me About Your Scars

by orphan_account



Category: USWNT - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-07
Updated: 2014-07-23
Packaged: 2017-12-28 17:59:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/994866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A fourth fic for me to juggle ‘cause you can never have too much ;) Anyways, happy reading (: and yeah, this is very short.</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> A fourth fic for me to juggle ‘cause you can never have too much ;) Anyways, happy reading (: and yeah, this is very short.

Alex and Tobin laid quietly on their king sized bed, bodies tangled together. The only light in the room was from the glow of the TV, neither woman paying attention to what they were watching.  
Tobin had her hands running through Alex’s hair, combing through the strands with a faint smile on her lips. Alex was admiring Tobin’s toned body- her abs and everything. Alex began running her hands along Tobin’s legs. Tobin’s legs got goose bumps as Alex’s fingers ran across her many scars and did the same to her arms.  
“Tell me about your scars?” Alex asked.  
The striker felt Tobin suddenly tense at the question, her jaw tightening as she adjusted herself on the bed.  
“You wanna know?” Tobin asked.  
Alex sat up and leaned against Tobin’s shoulder, nodding.  
“Tell me.” Alex persisted.  
Tobin took in a shaky breath and nodded.  
“Then I’ll tell you about my scars.”


	2. Left Knee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As you most likely will figure out, this is going to be a semi-AU. This obviously isn’t how she got her scars (most likely). And some of them will be a little too detailed. I’ll do my best to add warnings for different things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’re confused, read my note at the bottom.  
> Italics are present-day

Alex pointed to a small scar the size of a pencil eraser about six inches from Tobin’s left knee, a few centimeters to the outside of her quad.  
Tobin winced at the memory, her mind going to the memory almost instantly.  
~  
Tobin stared up at her bedroom ceiling, watching the small star and moon stickers glow in the darkness. Tobin remembered buying those as a ten-year-old, ecstatic at the thought of having a night sky in her own bedroom. Now, being eleven, Tobin had quickly outgrown the theme, and wanted to peel the plastic stickers off. And she would have, if the memory of getting them wasn’t her happiest.  
Before she could remember that summer day that seemed so distant, the front door opened and slammed shut, and two voices filled the house, yelling back and forth. Tobin sighed. Her parents were home.  
From the other end of the room, Jeffrey, who was only four, whined slightly and called out for Tobin. Dutifully, Tobin rolled out of bed and knelt by his bedside, placing a hand on his arm.  
“It’s okay, Jeff, go back to sleep.” Tobin whispered.  
Her younger brother obeyed, turning over to face the wall and his breath evening out.  
Tobin could do anything to calm her brother, but she always needed one of her older sisters to keep her calm. To help her sleep, some nights.  
Taking a deep breath, Tobin opened her bedroom door wide enough for her small frame to slip through. Tobin could hear glass bottles breaking as they were thrown back and forth, and her father’s loud voice challenging her mother’s. Quietly, Tobin slipped into Perry and Katie’s room, shuffling to her eldest sister’s bed.  
“Per?” Tobin asked, shaking the twenty-year-old.  
Perry moaned and flipped over, her face twisted in annoyance before she heard the arguing.  
“C’mere.”  
Perry patted the open spot on her mattress and Tobin crawled under the sheets, snuggling herself under the blankets as Perry wrapped an arm around the youngest Heath girl. All too soon, Perry was sleeping again.  
The voices persisted, and Tobin sighed softly, getting out of her sister’s grasp. Tobin began the walk back to her own bedroom before she heard another glass bottle break. Then, her mother crying.  
Curious, Tobin drifted towards the kitchen, scooting on her hands and knees. The hardwood floor allowed Tobin to slide across with ease on her pajama pant legs, and Tobin peeked around the corner.  
Her dad flung another bottle, close to the door frame, and Tobin ducked away. The bottle shattered into many pieces, and Tobin felt something stick itself in her leg.  
Biting her lip to keep from screaming, Tobin sat back on her butt, sliding herself back to Katie and Perry’s room.  
The youngest Heath girl let herself rest by the side of Katie’s bed, letting the tears come.  
The tears shook Tobin’s body as she sobbed, leaning on the wood of Katie’s bed frame and not wanting to touch her leg, where it was beginning to throb.  
Suddenly, the light flickered on and Perry was standing over Tobin, looking fully awake.  
“Tobin, what happened?” Perry asked.  
Tobin looked sadly at the door and down at her leg.  
Her pant leg was covered in blood on almost the entire quad of the clothing.  
“How did glass get in your leg?” Katie questioned.  
Parry took in a loud breath and shook her head bitterly.  
“Katie, can you see if mom and dad are sleeping?” Perry asked.  
Katie slipped out of the room and Perry scooped Tobin up in her arms, setting her on Katie’s bed. The oldest daughter left for a brief second before returning with some pre-wrap and a cotton ball, wrapping it around Tobin’s leg.  
“I’m going to see if I can drive you to Jake’s house, okay?” Perry asked.  
Jake was Perry’s boyfriend from college, who was currently working towards his doctorate degree and going on to medical school.  
Tobin simply nodded, speaking through her hiccups.  
“B-Bring Jeff.” Tobin said.  
Perry nodded and lifted her youngest sister into her arms, and Tobin soon found herself in the backseat of Perry’s small car. Jeff was beside her, asleep, and Katie was in the passenger seat.  
“Go ahead and rest, Tob.” Perry said.  
~  
“I just remember waking up the next morning, and Perry, Katie, and Jeff were sleeping on the couches around me, and Jake was in the kitchen cooking us breakfast. We got home at noon and mom and dad were still sleeping, so we just went about our business.” Tobin finished.  
Alex nodded in silence.  
“I never knew.” Alex said plainly.  
Tobin shrugged.  
“By the time I turned fourteen and started getting national team call-ups and recognition, they turned themselves around to make us seem like a perfect family.” Tobin admitted.  
Alex didn’t know what to say.  
Both women were silent for a long time before Alex’s eyes fell on a small scar above Tobin’s right eyebrow she hadn’t noticed before.  
“What about that one?” Alex inquired.  
Tobin chuckled softly to herself before looking back down at Alex with amusement in her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The stories will be told as if you were experiencing the back story as a fic. If you’re confused, just inbox me and I’d be more than happy/willing to explain in more detail (:


	3. Eye(brow)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AUTHOR: logicbomb32.tumblr.com (she wrote this part, I edited, and we’ll continue to co-write over the never chapters)
> 
> WARNINGS: Blood

Tobin ran her hand along the scar right above her eyebrow as she remembered the story, looking at Alex and smiling softly.  
\-----  
Tobin wonders is maybe she shouldn’t say anything at all. Coming out wasn’t that important, not really, she could do with her parents not knowing for another couple years. Maybe tell them once she’d left for college. 

That’d be better. 

But then Tobin remembers the letter, sitting next to her on the bed and how there’s no way she can escape t her doom. She swallows, fiddling with the worn corner of her bedspread, there’s an army of butterflies in her stomach that are working their way up her esophagus and she knows that if she doesn’t move soon, she’s going to hurl all over her bedroom floor. 

Tobin barely makes it to the bathroom. 

Bending over the toilet, emptying the minimal contents of her stomach, her hair falling around her face, Tobin wonders if maybe she should just run away.

But even as the thought, errant as it is, comes to mind, she thinks of soccer. The one reprieve in her life, her constant. Her natural talent providing her with the perfect excuse to spend hours and hours lost in headphones with a ball at her feet. 

One touch.

Two touch. 

Three touch.

Upwards and onwards to thousands of touches, everyday and Tobin knows there is no soccer for a homeless kid. 

She is resigned to staying here, unless of course they throw her out, but she can’t handle how realistic that possibility actually is. 

Tobin tips her head forward and throws up again.

With her stomach feeling more empty than settled, Tobin rocks on her heels and stands up. Wiping her mouth and her watering eyes, knowing it was now or never.

She can hear her parents moving downstairs, her mother in the kitchen her father settling down on the couch. This is the closest to peace they’ve had in weeks, and here Tobin is, knowing she’s about to shatter that. Nonetheless, she adjusts her hair and walks downstairs, the letter dragging her down. 

"I thought you were getting in the shower?" her mother asks, as soon as Tobin rounds the corner still clad in her practice uniform from which she only just got home.

"Uh, yeah, I was, am." Tobin says, crossing her arms and shifting nervously. 

"So what’s the hold-up?" her father asks "You’re not the only one who wants to shower." 

Tobin swallows, not sure if the right words will come out of her mouth “I’m sorry.” she blurts The words will burn in her mind, in her heart, long than anything else that will happen, almost, because she’s simultaneously sorry and not sorry at all that she loves girls. 

And yet the apology slipped out anyway. 

Her parents look at her, confused, worried. They know Tobin is not a troublemaker, but as she hands her mother (not her father) the letter from school, they are only concerned. 

Her mother opens the letter, but her father is the one who reads it. And Tobin pinpoints the exact moment he reads the words that will change everything 

”…your daughter was found kissing another female student…” 

Because he immediately looks up at her, but Tobin can’t read the emotions she sees in them “Who gave this to you?” 

Not the question she was expecting “Uh, the assistant principle.” she answers

"A grown women sending home lies." Her father tutted, "I’ll go talk to Principle Harper tomorrow about this." 

And that’s when Tobin realized, her father simply didn’t believe it could be true and that made everything all the worse “No” she said shaking her head “It’s true.” 

She gets a boost of confidence as she starts baring her darkest secret and keeps going “I’m-” but it runs out fast “I like girls.” 

Her parents stare at her and her mother says “But what about Jason, your boyfriend? He’s such a nice boy.” 

Tobin shakes her head, she won’t out Jason too, but their mutual sect lead to a mutual relationship not based in anything other than the desire to appear normal. For Tobin that was gone now, she was sinking fast in the ocean she was supposed to swim in “I, I broke up with him.” she says 

"For a girl?" her father says 

"Not a girl." Tobin replies, feeling the pressure building in the room and knowing, no matter what she said, everyone was going to explode "I just, I like girls the way other people like boys." 

"Where’d you read about this?" her dad asks 

"What? Nowhere dad." Tobin says, "It’s just something I know and" she hesitates, knowing she’s about to acknowledge the elephant in the room "it’s not a sin." 

Her father lets out a harsh laugh, although it sounds more like a bark “You’re crazy.” he says “No daughter of mine is gay.”

The words sting, but Tobin was prepared “Well I am.” she says “And it can’t change.”

"We’ll see about that." her father says and immediately Tobin is scared, thinking of therapy or some awful summer camp, anything to tell her over and over again that gay is not okay. 

But gay is okay.

And Tobin barely believes that on the best of days, but now as she’s facing her father telling her she will burn in hell, she finds herself believing. In the face of adversity she finds out what she needed to be true, is true. 

And in the process she barely misses the whiskey glass being thrown in her direction. It’s only on reflexes nurtured by years of soccer that Tobin ducks in time. Although not out of the way enough. As the glass explodes next to her head, Tobin feels a burning by her eye, no doubt a piece of glass burying itself in her skin, and the swell of blood starts to trail, hot and sticky, down Tobin’s face.  
Her father is shouting something, many things that related to god and anger and hell and eternal damnation. But nothing, Tobin realizes, of love. Of unconditional love, of happiness or hope. 

She needs to get out of here. 

She has nothing on her, save her phone, but her father is rampaging now and for the first time Tobin is centered entirely on self-preservation because she knows that if she lingers, glass will be the least of her problems. 

So she runs, out the door, down the front steps and into the lamplight street, crossing it and disappearing into the wooded path between two houses. She pulls out her phone, knowing who to call purely because she won’t ask questions “Heather” she says, voice shaking, as soon as someone picks up “I need help.”  
————  
In bed, Tobin turns to Alex, trying to read the emotions on her face, but Alex doesn’t say anything for a long while, just touches the jagged outline of Tobin’s scar “How old were you?” she asks 

"Fifteen." Tobin replies, swallowing hard as Alex wraps an arm around her waist, resting her head against her chest 

"So young." Alex says, "Did they kick you out?" 

Tobin shakes her head “But I couldn’t have girls over, even if they were just friends. My dad tried very hard to send me to therapy and one of those conversion camps but my mom, she, somehow she found it in herself to stand up to him. Told my dad if I was happy than he had no right disturbing that with his own beliefs. Hearing that, it’s one of the most important parts of my life, the night she said that.” 

Alex nods “You were very brave.” 

"I had no choice." 

Alex shrugs and hugs Tobin tighter “Either way,” she murmurs, “it was brave, and so are you. Even now.” 

Tobin doesn’t say anything, she doesn’t think what she did was particularly have, nor does she consider her present self brave. She loves soccer and she loves Alex, and currently, she has both. Nothing brave about it. 

Alex kisses Tobin neck and Tobin lets out a shaky sigh, she’s never talked about her past before, no one outside of HAO knows all the dirty details, but sharing them with Alex, Tobin finds, isn’t painful. It feels natural, and maybe, Tobin wonders later, that’s how she knows Alex is the one.


	4. Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Language

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW! it's been a looooong time but here's an update (:

Tobin felt Alex rubbing the back of her hand and focused on the TV until she shifted and the pillow rubbed across the raised line on her back.  
“You ready for another story?” Tobin asked.  
Alex nodded, looking into Tobin’s eyes.  
\-----  
Tobin pulled away from Claire, smiling as her lips tingled from the kiss they’d shared a moment prior.  
“That was perfect.” Tobin commented.  
Claire blushed and Tobin tucked a piece of blonde hair behind her ear.  
“You’re perfect.” Claire gushed.  
Tobin blushed this time and looked into Claire’s green eyes, unable to wipe the smile from her face.  
“Round two?” Tobin asked.  
Claire nodded and the two girls leaned forward, their lips locking again. The kiss continued until Tobin’s phone buzzed and she pulled it out, cursing.  
“I have to get home.” Tobin apologized.  
Claire nodded and kissed Tobin one last time before watching the tan girl ride off on her skateboard.  
~~~  
“Where the hell were you?” Mrs. Heath asked when Tobin came through the front door.  
The entire family was at the dinner table as Tobin took her spot.  
“Probably fucking other girls.” Mr. Heath spat.  
Her father still wasn’t taking his daughter’s sexuality well. Tobin clenched her fists and glared at her father.  
“We were kissing, actually.” Tobin replied.  
Mr. Heath looked at his daughter, raising an eyebrow.  
“Pardon me?” he asked.  
“I said we were kissing. Close, but not quite fucking, Dad.” Tobin clarified, shrugging.  
Strike one.  
Mr. Heath rose from his seat, grabbing Tobin by the arm and pulling her from the dining room and shoving her into his bedroom.  
“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Mr. Heath demanded.  
Tobin shrugged.  
“Your gay daughter.” Tobin challenged.  
Strike two.  
"Pardon me?" he asked.  
"I said, I'm your gay daughter who fucks other girls."  
Strike three.  
Mr. Heath rose the belt over his head and brought it down on Tobin’s back as the girl turned around to avoid the hit. The leather burned Tobin’s skin and the teenager felt her skin break open.  
“I’m only being honest.” Tobin said through clenched teeth.  
The leather cut into the wound and Tobin screamed.  
“Don’t you ever fucking say that again.”  
“Or what?”  
Tobin was fighting back tears and she bit her lip tightly.  
“Do I need to say it?” Mr. Heath growled.  
Tobin shook her head.  
“N-n-no, sir.” Tobin stammered.  
Tobin heard the belt being tossed aside.  
“Good. Now go finish your dinner, you ungrateful asshole.” Mr. Heath spat.  
Tobin turned and gave her father a cold glare before loosening the fist by her side and storming out of the room.  
“Fuck you!” Tobin yelled, slamming her bedroom door shut.  
\---  
"Agh!"  
Tobin held tightly to Perry's hand, squeezing the life from it. Katie's boyfriend was cleaning and bandaging it, and Tobin fought back tears as the alcohol stung it.  
"I'm sorry, Tobin." Jake apologized.  
Tobin shook her head and bit her lip as another sting set through the wound.  
\-----  
"Baby-" Alex began, her voice cracking.  
Tobin shrugged.  
"It's my fault I had such a big mouth." Tobin muttered.  
Alex kissed the scar softly and found something new with her hand. It felt abnormal. Alex lifted Tobin's shirt and closed her eyes after she took one look at it. It stretched six inches long and Alex shuddered at the thoughts of what could have caused it. Tobin went cold and goosebumps covered her body.  
"That was the first time they actually caught me with another girl." Tobin shared.  
Alex couldn't hold back the gasp.  
"But they actually never hit me."  
Alex paused and raised an eyebrow.  
\-----  
"I love you so much."  
Claire was staring into Tobin's eyes and Tobin smiled widely.  
The two were lying under the bleachers in the football stadium, having a good time for their one year anniversary.  
"I love you, too." Tobin replied.  
Claire licked her lips.  
"Tobin Powell Heath!"  
Tobin jumped up at the sound of the dreaded voice and yelled when her back made contact with the metal seats.  
"Tobin!"  
The girl could see her father approaching and Claire grabbed her arm, dragging her away.  
"We need to hide."  
Tobin ignored the wetness on her back, most likely from blood, and followed Claire into the breezeway and up a flight of stairs before going down another and sprinting to the locker rooms. The doors were locked for the weekend and Tobin yelled when Claire put a hand on her back to guide her to the parking lot.  
No one was in sight and the two ran off the campus grounds, Tobin spotting her father's car by the stadium. The socer player noticed her backpack on the grass and her father crouched over it, picking it up and glaring around.  
He barely noticed them before he was in his car and driving towards them.  
"He's coming." Tobin breathed.  
Claire picked up her pace and pulled Tobin behind her. The midfielder could feel the breeze hitting her exposed wound and fought back a gasp every time her shirt hit the wound.  
"In here." Claire muttered.  
Tobin didn't notice how far they had gone until they ran into a tattoo parlor in the fake downtown part of the city- about a mile from the school.  
"Claire, we can't go in there." Tobin breathed.  
The blonde ran inside anyway, and Tobin followed, knowing there was no other place to go.  
Luckily, no one was inside and Claire ducked behind the front desk, Tobin following.  
A single car drove past and the two caught their breathes before Tobin winced at the pain on her back.  
"Mom, we need help!"  
Tobin's eyes widened and a blonde woman who looked like a thicker Claire came walking out of the back room.  
"What are you doing here?" the woman asked.  
"Where's mom?" Claire asked, avoiding the question.  
"Went out to pick up the new shipment."  
"We need your help, Jules."  
Tobin then put a name to the face as Claire's twenty year old sister.  
"What happened?" Jules asked.  
Claire heled Tobin up and walked her into the back room, and the midfielder heard Jules gasp loudly.  
"What happened?" Jules demanded.  
Claire sighed, helping Tobin onto a hair meant for back tattoos.  
"Her dad caught us and she cut herself when we got up to run."  
Jules shook her head and Tobin knew Claire had told her the stories before. The two sisters set the work cleaning he wound and Claire held Tobin's hand tightly.  
"I'm sorry, babe." Claire muttered.  
It took Jules almost fifteen minutes before she let Tobin know she was done. The soccer player stayed there when she heard Jules whisper and Claire kissed her on the forehead before walking away.  
Tobin picked up some of their hushed conversation.  
"She needs medical attention."  
"She doesn't have insurance! And her parents wouldn't take her."  
"It's deep, Claire- she needs help."  
"I know but there's no chance she'll get it!"  
"Fine, but someone needs to at least keep an eye on it."  
"Her sisters will."  
The two returned and Tobin was given a new shirt.  
"What are you gonna do for tonight?" Claire asked quietly.  
Tobin shrugged and pulled the shirt on.  
"I dunno." she admitted.  
\-----  
"I didn't go home that night." Tobin told Alex.  
"Or the night after that- I didn't go back home for almost a week."  
Alex frowned.  
"And when I did, my dad was gone."  
Tobin's voice sounded far off.  
"Him and my mom were both gone, and Perry wouldn't tell me where they went."  
Alex sat up to listen better.  
"They came back almost a week later and my dad didn't say anything. He didn't mention it or take one look at me when he walked through the front door." Tobin shared.  
Alex cocked her head to the side.  
"Where did they go?” Alex asked.  
Tobin shook her head.  
“I never found out.” Tobin replied.  
“And then they stopped?” Alex added.  
Tobin shook her head.  
“The physical abuse came a lot less, but the mental stuff never stopped. Getting called into camps were my escape, and when I wasn’t there, the things they did to me made me develop nervous ticks and panic attacks. They were real bad at first- I’d get them at camp or during games or practice and the coaches couldn’t figure out what was happening, but my refusal to go home made them realize what was happening. They tried to help whenever I was in camp, but nothing worked- I spent more time being abused than not.”  
Alex was fighting back tears at the thought of everything Tobin had endured.  
“I built a wall up around myself and started shutting people out because I knew they couldn’t help me. My wall only came down around adults, but outside of that, people stopped trying to interact with me. I was stuck in a shell and I was helpless. Perry went off to college and I was alone with Jeff- left to protect both of us from our parents. Jeff didn’t have the same walls I did- but I could tell he wanted to. He just didn’t know how. My walls were so thick I didn’t even notice how hard he tried to get my attention at times- how badly he needed me. I should have seen it coming.”  
Tobin’s voice cracked and Alex looked up expectantly.  
“Seen what coming?” Alex asked.  
Tobin’s head dropped and she shook her head, letting out a shaky breath. Alex saw tears running down her cheeks.


	5. Right Hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is for talleyyo because she was super cool about the accusations of me "stealing" her fics... Thank you!

Tobin came home to her parents yelling something at Jeffrey and she sighed, silently taking an apple from the kitchen and retreating to her room.

An hour after, the yelling quieted and Jeff was inside Tobin’s room.

“Tob?” Jeff asked quietly.

The midfielder, who had now turned cold and lifeless, glared at her younger brother with an annoyed look.

“What?” Tobin snapped.

“Let’s run away.” Jeff suggested.

Tobin raised an eyebrow at him.

“Are you stupid?”

Jeff shook his head.

“No, and that’s why I’m saying this.”

Tobin scoffed.  Of course she wanted to, but she knew if she wanted soccer to save her someday, she had to stay at home at wait for her letter.  Then she could run away.

“Jeff, you’re insane.”

“You like being abused daily?”

“No, but-”

“Then let’s go!”

Tobin shook her head.  She had to wait for her college letter first.  But Jeffrey wasn’t going to understand that.  

“You’re being unreasonable, Jeff- just man up and wait for your exit letter to college.” Tobin stated.

Jeff shook his head.

“I won’t wait.” he muttered, walking out the door.

A few minutes passed, which turned into an hour, and Tobin left her room to get dinner.  Her parents were sitting down, already eating, and gave Tobin an odd look.

“Where’s Jeff?” Tobin asked.

Mr. Heath shrugged.

“He went to a friend’s house to pick something up.” Mrs. Heath answered.

Tobin nodded.

An hour passed and Jeffrey still hadn’t come home.  Tobin’s parents had gone to bed without the slightest worry about Jeff.  Tobin knew her brother was only 10- he couldn’t still be at a friend’s house.  The teenager quickly pulled on a hoodie and Converse and snuck out of her bedroom window, sliding down the roof and jumping onto the grass of the front lawn.   

Tobin went to Jeff’s friend’s house first.

“Have you seen Jeffrey?” Tobin asked the boy, Kyle.

Kyle shook his head and apologized as Tobin ran off in the direction of town, knowing there was no other place Jeff could be than after Perry or Katie- which meant he was at a train station somewhere waiting to be taken there.

Tobin spotted the neon green hoodie from across the street and yelled Jeffrey’s name.

“Jeff!”

The boy froze and Tobin cursed herself for having sounded like their mother.  He immediately started walking the opposite way.

“Jeff!” Tobin called again.

The boy picked up his pace into a jog.

“Jeff!”

He took off sprinting and Tobin looked at the street- cars were everywhere.  But they’d surely stop for a hot pink hoodie.  This was the one time Tobin was thankful for having gotten it as a Christmas gift.  

“Jeff!” Tobin yelled.

The teenager set off across the street, and the last thing she remembered was yelling the boy’s name.

\---

“You got hit?” Alex asked, sounding unsure.

Tobin nodded, popping her lips.

“Jeff said he heard people scream and he turned around and saw me flying through the air.  He said he’d never forget seeing me lying on the road, ten feet from where I had been hit, lying still on the floor.  Jeff told me I landed on my face with my hands in front of me.”

Tobin sounded far off and Alex rubbed her back gently.

“I was out for three days, and in the meantime, the hospital called Perry.  Perry had to call Katie and Katie left a message at home telling my parents I was staying with them for two weeks because her boyfriend wanted to teach me and Jeff to fish.”

Alex raised an eyebrow.

“Your parents never knew?” Alex asked incredulously.

Tobin shook her head.

“I didn’t scar, so they didn’t find out.” Tobin replied.

“What happened?” Alex asked.

Tobin knew she was asking about damage- what kind of damage she suffered.  Tobin held up her right arm- the one she was told softened her landing- and held it by Alex’s face.

Alex gave Tobin a weird look and the midfielder gave her hand to Alex.

“Have you ever seen me bend these two fingers?”

Tobin pointed to her right pinkie and right ring finger.  Alex shook her head.

“The doctor said those tendons snapped during the injury- he couldn’t explain how or why, but he said they snapped.  They tried surgery but I couldn’t regain the use because the tendons just weren’t cooperating.” Tobin explained.

Alex gently touched Tobin’s fingers and moved them.

“Can you feel that?” she asked quietly.

Tobin shook her head.

“I can only see it and know it must be happening.” Tobin answered.


	6. Right Knee

"This one?" Alex asked.

The small scar on the inside of Tobin's right knee was about an inch long and puffer than a normal scar.  It didn't look like it caused much pain, though.  Judging by its looks and how Tobin laughed when Alex asked.

"That's from college." Tobin explained.

Alex raised an eyebrow.

\---

"The team on defense at the end of the drill does fitness." Anson called.

The coach had the team split into three separate groups- they were to play two teams against one, with the lone team as defense.  When a team lost the ball, they became the defending team and so on.

"You have five minutes!" Anson announced, starting his watch.

The ball rolled forward and Tobin's team was soon on defense after losing the ball in the corner.  Casey fought for the ball back and laid it off to one of the forwards, who dribbled to look for space.  She lined up to pass to Tobin when a defender on the red team intercepted the pass, putting green on defense.  The drill went back and forth.

"One minute!" Anson yelled.

Tobin's team was stuck defending again, and it didn't look like they'd catch a break any time soon.  Tobin noticed Yael in the back corner, looking to send a cross to Brittani, who was lurking patiently.  The midfielder bolted over as Yael drew back her leg, and slid, her leg outstretched to try and block the ball.

"Agh!"

Tobin stayed on the grass as the air hit her open wound and Yael covered her mouth with her hands.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry, Tobin." Yael apologized.

Tobin tried not to slap her hand over the wound, knowing it wouldn't be very sanitary.  The midfielder could see white spots from her fat and laid on her back as Anson and the assistant coach ran over.

"She'll need stitches." the assistant coach told Anson.

\---

"You got cleated by Yael?!" Alex asked, trying not to laugh.

Tobin nodded, biting back a smile.

"Like what happened to Kelley?" Alex confirmed.

Tobin nodded again.  

Alex laughed, her shoulders shaking.

"I definitely wasn't expecting that." Alex admitted.

Tobin shrugged.

"Me neither." she agreed.

 

 


	7. Knee

"I don't see any others." Alex said, sounding a bit sad.

"I got two more- at least." Tobin hinted.

Alex shrugged.

"Why don't you tell me?" Alex asked.

Tobin smiled, nodding in agreement.  The midfielder pointed to a few small scars where her knee met her shin bone and Alex nodded.  She knew those couldn't be from a big accident.

\---

"You can't leave this school without learning to longboard!" Casey exclaimed.

Tobin laughed, shaking her head.

"What's the use?" Tobin asked.

Casey scoffed.

"Ride to class!" the fellow soccer player pointed out.

Tobin shrugged, giving in.  She knew her roommate wouldn't let her go back inside unless she tried anyway.

"Teach me, Master Case." Tobin joked.

Casey bowed playfully and got on the board, pushing herself softly so she rolled a few feet.

"It's seriously that easy." Casey said, stepping off the board.

Casey rolled the board to Tobin and the tan midfielder stopped it with her foot.

"Start further back and go to me." Casey instructed.

Tobin stood on the board and bounced on it a little bit, getting a feel for it.

"Go!" Casey shouted.

Tobin took in a deep breath and shook out her neck dramatically, pushing herself with her foot.  The board started rolling and Tobin smiled.

"Sick!" the midfielders exclaimed at the same time.

Tobin didn't even notice her untied shoelace get caught under the board, sending her to the ground.

"Dude, you're supposed to tie the shoes." Casey said, helping Tobin up.

The midfielder shrugged.

"It was fun." she admitted.

Casey smiled and looked at Tobin's bloody legs.

"We should patch you up." Casey suggested.  

Tobin shrugged it off.

"I wanna keep boarding!" the Jersey native exclaimed.  

\---

Alex shook her head.

"Tobin, you could've gotten an infection!" Alex tried to sound disappointed.

Tobin shrugged.

"But I didn't." she pointed out.

Alex nodded.

"Actually, I did." Tobin corrected.

Alex raised an eyebrow in curiosity.

"I was infected by Longboard Fever." Tobin joked.

Alex hit the older girl playfully.

"You're such a dork."

 

 


	8. Left Foot

Tobin excused herself from her and Casey’s conversation when she noticed the phone call she was receiving from her parents.

“Hello?”

Their bond had strengthened a little bit over Tobin’s time at UNC, and Tobin was glad she could finally have caring parents who asked how things were going.

“Tobin, your father and I wanted to let you know we scheduled your flight home for Thanksgiving.” Cindy noted.

Tobin hummed in agreement.

“Can I bring a friend?” Tobin asked.

Cindy paused.

“What kind of friend?” she asked.

Tobin rolled her eyes.

“My, uh, my girlfriend?” Tobin asked in more of a questioning way.

Tobin could picture Cindy’s eyes bugging out.

“No.”

Tobin’s small smile faltered.

“Why not?” she asked, a tinge of anger in her voice.

Casey looked up from her phone with a confused look and Tobin shook her head bitterly.  Casey took that as her cue to leave the room.  

“I can’t believe this.” Cindy muttered.

Tobin was confused.

“Your father was right.” Cindy trailed.

“Right about what?” Tobin questioned.

Cindy scoffed on the other end.

“You little shit,” Cindy began, “We didn’t raise you to be so messed up.  We didn’t raise a gay daughter, Tobin!  What makes you think it’s okay to date girls?”

Tobin was at a loss for words.

“Mom, it’s who I am- it’s who I have been.” Tobin argued, remembering when she first told her parents.

“But it’s not what’s right.” Cindy fought.

“It’s what’s right to me.” Tobin replied.

Cindy scoffed again.

“I can’t believe this- and I’m not going to argue with you.  You can’t bring your girlfriend- or any friend- to Thanksgiving dinner as long as we’re in attendance.  Period.” Cindy’s voice was laced with disappointment.

Tobin felt her anger boiling.

“Then I won’t come at all.” she answered, hanging up.

Tobin clenched her fists in her bed and tried to even her breathing.

Maybe her mom was right.  Maybe she was a worthless piece of shit who didn’t deserve to be so happy because she broke God’s guidelines for a perfect human. Thoughts filled Tobin’s head.

Anger was coursing through Tobin’s body and the midfielder screamed into her pillow, grabbing the candle by her bed and throwing it against the wall, watching it shatter.  Then she noticed the family pictures.

They were ones taken at recent family events- and Cindy didn’t seem bothered by Tobin’s sexuality.  The midfielder stood up and tore them off the wall, ripping them up and putting them in the trash can.

“Tobin!”

The midfielder felt arms around her dragging her away from the wall and onto her bed.

“Tobin, what happened?” Casey asked.

Tobin felt the walls she’d spent years building up breaking down inside of her and sobs racked through her body.  

\-----

Alex looked at Tobin, confused.

“I stepped on a piece of the broken candle- sliced my left foot.” Tobin sighed.

Alex took Tobin’s hand in her own.

“Did they forgive you?” Alex asked.

Tobin shrugged.

“I didn’t go to Thanksgiving dinner that year- or next.  I went home with Casey and they became my second family, though it felt like my first.  I changed my phone number and switched dorms so they didn’t have my contact information, and gave emergency contact rights to Perry, Katie, and Casey’s family.” Tobin explained.

Alex’s eyes were filled with confusion.

“I haven’t spoken to them since.”

“Tobin, it’s been four years.” Alex pointed out.

Tobin nodded, expressionless.  

“And it’s been the happiest four years of my life.” 


End file.
